Originally Posted on May 3, 2012 at 1:57 PM as a gift to you from Professor Mentu
This is week 1 of Shame the Beta Month (STBM), and we’re still laying the groundwork.
You may have read the STBM Manifesto, many of you identified with Professor Ashur’s Road to Alpha, and a handful of others probably enjoyed a nervous laugh at my Road to Alpha, especially if they were brought up in a God fearin’ Christian redneck home.
But there are 2 more posts scheduled to be dropped this week. Both of these posts are intended to get your feedback and encourage you to use UMan as a platform to share and shame. Deti beat me to the one scheduled for Friday (so I had to rewrite it and give him credit), but in this post, I’d like to invite you to share your road to Alpha with the class.
It doesn’t matter if you were brought up steeped in the glorious charisma of Alphaness or buttered in the creamy butthash of beta – there was a time before you were here, and then there’s now. Where did you come from?
We’ll ask for your feedback one more time on Friday as we take a beta inventory, but for today, we invite you to use the comment section below to tell us how you found the Manosphere. What did your road to Alpha look like? Do you remember the first article you ever read? Who was the first writer you stumbled across? How old were you when you took the Red Pill?
Feel free to answer all of these questions, a select few, or completely ignore them and just write whatever the hell pops into your head. Drop links to the first article(s) you ever read, or give props to your favorite manosphere authors. If you’re a fellow blogger who has already written about your story, drop a link so we can read it.
I don’t care if you write a novel, a paragraph, one sentence, or simply post a link anonymously. It doesn’t matter if you crossed the Alpha finish line years ago or have just started your journey. Every story has a beginning, and every beginning can serve as inspiration. Your feedback could help turn this post into a treasure trove of information for pussy-whipped betas for years to come.
Tell us about your Road to Alpha.
I’m going to include some of the well written comments on people’s roads to Alpha, to get this going. Also, while this entire blog could be seen as a road to Alpha for myself, I’ll include a history of myself up until the start of this blog as the first comment.
Please, feel free to contribute.
This is a place where men can learn from men.
By Alexander the Great:
I’d like to share my history…
I’ve always been a good-looking beta, I’ve had some charisma, humor, never had too much difficult getting women, but my core was weak… I had no idea how to deal with shit tests and I always looked for LTRs with the girls I hanged…
Then came the most shameful moment of my life. I was on a fling with a FAT CHICK and that cursed monstruosity managed to hypnotize me with her witchcraft so I fell for her… CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? A GOOD MAN FALLING FOR THE MALICIOUS, DISGUSTING, ILL-FADED, CURSED MONSTRUOSITY KNOW AS FAT CHICK.
Then I became a beta on a leash. But unconsiously I felt uncofortable, it was as if the lion in my heart was roaring to be realeased once again. It took sometime for me to hear that powerful alpha voice…
Luckily it lasted only a couple of months…
After it ended I was kinda confused, too much infected by the beta virus… Broke and with no route, ashamed by that awful moment in my life, I started looking for answers. How to be stronger, more masculine, how to deal with the capricious beings known as women.
I don’t actually remember what did I search for on the web but the first article I read was the manosphere’s classic Roissy’s Sixteen Commandments of Poon.
After that I’ve read ALL OF ROISSY’S files, then I learned about Roosh (my copy of Day Bang should be arriving soon) and all the others great warriors of the manosphere.
Now women come to me, I have no problem getting sex whenever and from whoever I want, they always smile in my presence, flirt with me, compliment me for every possible reason. My body language is strong and dominant, men respect me, women desire me! This is the alpha way, the way every men should be. Never let the shadow of the weakness take hold of your heart. If you want to aspire to be something, BE THE LION!
By A Person
I never had trouble getting girls attracted to me; I’m smart, funny and articulate. I always tripped up when it came to crossing the line from acquaintances with attraction to actual relationship, because at the moment I decided I was attracted to a girl, I turned into a complete schlub. No assertiveness, no willingness to call her on her shit, no real confidence at all. Rather than cracking wiseass jokes in response to her testing, I meekly succumbed. I didn’t want to offend her, so when she would ask what we were doing, I’d respond with some weak “Whatever you want” shit. What woke me up was a fling a few years ago where I was completely not attracted to her in the least. She was interested, I was going through a long dry spell. We hooked up, and I didn’t change at all. I ramped up the asshole a little bit after a few encounters, because the sex was terrible and the conversation was even worse. Masturbation to Sports Illustrated and picking fights on YouTube were more fulfilling. The more I treated her like shit, the harder she clung to me. After a few weeks I had just had enough and told her that it wasn’t happening again. But I had awakened. Shortly thereafter, I literally stumbled over Roissy’s blog, and that was all she wrote. I dove headfirst, discovering all the pitfalls, all the ways I had screwed up, and what I had to change. Although I don’t read Roissy so much anymore (I prefer a little less spite in my truth), he will always be the author who codified it for me.
By Aleph One
Wow, where to start?
I was born and raised in the Alan Alda Sensitive New-Age Guy tradition. I missed my first chance to lose my virginity by being too nice. Then I missed my second chance, when my girlfriend started fucking an older jerk. Then I married a woman who turned out to be batshit crazy, and I spent 30 years hoping it would get better.
Here’s where it gets ugly: I hate to admit it, but I spent the last five years of that marriage banging other women. Most of them were also married. I know that the right thing to do would have been to kick the crazy drug-addicted wife out first, and then date single women. Wish I could do it over.
Anyway, one of the cheating wives I hooked up with was really amazing, and was also married to a guy that she should have divorced long before she met me. We ended up divorcing our spouses and moving in together, and eventually getting married.
I had a certain amount of natural alpha, but not enough to overcome my beta upbringing. I was still a SNAG at heart. So I’m sure everyone reading this can see where it’s going: after the wedding, I slipped into my comfortable beta routine, and she stopped being attracted to me. Sex went from every day to twice a month. I wasn’t happy; she wasn’t happy.
Then one day she left her phone laying around, and I picked it up and read her texts. She was in love with another guy.
I confronted her, and she ended the affair. I was devastated, and to make it worse, I felt like a hypocrite for even expecting her to be faithful. I mean, I had spent five years banging many married women, and she was one of them.
But she assured me that she was still committed to monogamy, that the affair had been a mistake, that I was the one she loved. I really wanted to believe her.
In searching the internet for information about how to recover from an affair, and how to rebuild trust after a partner cheated, I found Athol Kay’s blog. I bought his book. I began working on myself, exercising more, dressing better. And I started using some of his “sexy moves” on her, starting with the Ten Second Kiss.
The results were like magic.She looks at me now the way she did when we first met. She melts into my arms when I kiss her. Other couples we know make comments about how close we are. Remember that I said we were down to twice a month for sex? Now we are having ten times that. It’s unbelievable.
I also get other women practically throwing themselves at me. Some of them do it right in front of my wife, which makes her appreciate me even more. But she doesn’t know the half of it. If I wanted to go “Dark Side” I could be drowning in pussy. But having felt that awful kick in the gut, I couldn’t possibly do that to her (or to the husbands of the women who are chasing me).
I’m still learning. You guys are great. Remember, Heartiste to get them, and Athol to keep them. Plus Dalrock, Ian’s Red Pill Room, Bronan, and others too numerous to mention. Thank you all for helping me save my marriage.
(BTW, we recently attended a gathering at a friend’s house, where I overheard my wife dispensing Red Pill wisdom to some of her female friends. She reads Athol and Ian, and LOVES what I’m doing. She has heartily embraced the role of First Mate. In fact, when I was dithering about something recently, she said to me, “Come on, make a decision, Captain!”)
By the infamous Deti
I’ve been married almost 16 years. About a year ago I stumbled onto Roissy and started reading around the manosphere.
About 2 months after finding the manosphere, my wife and I had been fighting and she told me she “didn’t care” how I felt about something. I called her on it and said “what’s really going on!?” She replied “I love you, but sometimes I’m just not physically attracted to you.”
I had not fully swallowed the red pill.
I did then.
I mustered up my strength to reply. I replied a few hours later something like this:
“Mrs. deti, I have no intention of remaining married to a woman who disrespects me in public and in private and who does not want me. I will do whatever I have to do to protect myself. You don’t want me, let’s end it. And I will not be the one who leaves. You will. The kids will stay here. I don’t have to put up with this and I won’t. You want to end it, we’ll see lawyers tomorrow. I’ll go to the bank and start separating out the bank accounts. You want out, you know where the door is. I’ll help you pack, call you a cab and pay the cab fare.”
I truly did not care about the outcome. I was ready to end it. I was truly ready for the distinct possibility that she would say “OK, let’s end it.” I was truly ready to walk that all the way out.
We’re still married. It’s getting much better.
By J Smooth
I’m 21. Would describe myself as a recovering beta. First read The Game two years ago and thought the whole idea of game was incredible. I’d had moderate success with girls but didn’t lose my v-card till i was 18 and that was by acting completely differently to the way I normally did. I was always reasonably social but always scared of offending or pushing.
i read stuff about the game, bought a couple of books but never really followed through and took the red pill, content to admire from a distance. Then, more recently, I started reading Delusion Damage and his writing, although gone now, was incredibly insightful. He talked about everything from the sexual market place to the development of the economy and was red pill across a huge range of topics really surprising me with his ideas.
Now I read a few blogs, this one as well as Roosh, Roissy, Wonka Willy, FFY and The Alpha Persona and am only now starting to piece together the identity i want to have. These are really the first steps along the road to my alpha destination but, despite not getting laid as much as I’d like, I am starting to garner more respect from those around me on a genuine level rather than just because I’m smart and would be able to do things for them.
it’s painful looking at some of the beta-shaming articles and knowing that I’m still trapped at some of those early stages. but it’s a kick I need to push myself and be as awesome as i am.
(The people that know me would be surprised i’m not being cocky here since that’s something I’ve usually always expressed which led to my success with girls earlier but it something that isn’t as deeply ingrained in my own perception of me as it is to other people’s perception of me. As in, I’ll let them think that I think i’m awesome. But don’t quite believe it yet myself)
Note: I fucking am though.
Still on the road to alpha. First exposure to credible, well-written counterfeminism was stumbling onto a (no longer updated) blog called Violent Acres. Had a number of well-written and uncomfortable truths about womenfolk on there that happened to ring very true with a few recent experiences. From there, a few google searches for similar themes led me to Game, and to Roissy. Later I read some books by Warren Farrel and Christina Hoff Sommers.
Initially, I liked the ideas but resisted adopting any of them. Mostly I was interested in understanding female nature, and in seeing things I had long suspected about feminism laid bare. What led me to first try Game was when I ended a relationship with an extremely slutty girl, who had initially begun to date me looking for the “boyfriend experience.”
I realized that in both my previous relationships, and in every short-term interaction (all but one nonsexual) that I could recall, the girls had reacted best to me when I was in an emotional state where I didn’t care about them, had no investment in them, didn’t want to put up with them, and was making no effort for them. In one case, I could recall my first girlfriend being at her most affectionate, and giving me the best sex, when I was legitimately angry with her. I wish I could say everything clicked then, but it took a few months to really settle in. Started acting more aloof, but that didn’t get me anything because I hadn’t generated interest first, so I ignored Game for a while and focused on taking the piss out of the endless supply of feminists in college.
Fast forward a year and I’ve been celibate long enough. Had a few dates, but nothing special, start approaching more. Try Game, try just being a douchebag for my own amusement, try lying about individual aspects of myself to see if any of my inherent traits are causing any problems (among other things, I turn girls off by being an engineer, by not being a party guy, by not having a lot of experience with women, by being completely single and not already seeing a few other girls). Get back into shape, take up muay thai, jiujitsu, rock climbing, save up enough money to get a car and go back to school, start hitting on college girls again. More confident, more social, learned to imply things about myself without lying, learned to ape the behaviors of more alpha guys, still more-or-less staying within the bounds of what I consider fair and ethical. Gotten very good at taking the piss out of feminists, and at knowing when not to do so.
Happier than I’ve been in years, and still improving. Seeing one girl on the regular (no commitment from my end), still looking around for other options, though it’s tough with working on my postgrad. Only thing that bothers me is that my eyes are open to so much shallow, narcissistic crap that so many women do, whereas before I wouldn’t even notice it. Guys too, for that matter, though most of the time when it’s just us guys hanging out, I can tell that a lot of them are douchebags for the same reason I act like one, and I can’t blame them – it works. Shouldn’t blame women, either, given that nothing has ever stopped them from being bitchy, but it still affects me, and oddly enough, being annoyed at girls makes me more attractive to them. Tightens my Game up.
Alpha, beta, or whatever, I’d like to get married someday. Hell, I don’t care if my next notch is the last one I ever get, so long as it’s good enough; I don’t care about racking up high numbers. But I’m not doing it in this legal climate, and not to the sort of women I’ve been able to find (even filtering for relatively high-quality women, and ones met in classier places than bars, there is still too much uncivilized behavior to put up with long term), and not in any legal climate before I’m 30, before I’ve had a few more years of living like a bachelor. I like being able to do stuff like go to Vegas on ten minutes’ notice. I like being able to wash dishes in the morning, instead of right after dinner. I like knowing I have my own place to sleep in if I don’t want to deal with anyone, and I like knowing I can walk away from any girl who gets unbearable (completely convinced I could find another eventually). I like being able to randomly blow money on something awesome, and I like being able to save up money without having to coordinate it with someone else. I have too much basic decency to inflict that kind of crap on someone else, so being single is the life.
Last thing: I got lucky enough to take a Spanish exchange student out on a few dates. Didn’t sleep with her (she was clearly into me, but had self-control and self-respect), but my God, she may have ruined me for American girls. Walked like a woman, talked like a woman, knew just how and when to touch my arm or shoulders to make me feel like a man even in a completely platonic way, could dance like a classy lady, dressed like a classy lady, was genuinely interesting to listen to and interested in listening, and even though she wasn’t blessed with natural model-good looks, obviously took great care of herself and her appearance. Didn’t talk about other men until I asked about men back in Spain (normally I don’t want to know about other guys, but this was for science), and she says the boys back home didn’t pay much attention to her, always chasing other, prettier girls. If this single data point is to be believed, this below-average Spaniard blew 90% of them American girls I’ve known (and 100% of those I’ve dated) out of the water. Once I’m out of school, mastered my Game, and have some money set aside, I need to go to Europe.
My road to alpha has been long and painful. I was a chubby kid in high school with little confidence outside my intellect. I thought the best way to get a girl was to do everything she said, play every game that she started, be romantic, take her out on dates while expecting nothing. The usual. There was one girl I really liked in high school and I asked her for her number. She gave me a digit a day (not including area code). I showed up at her locker for seven days straight to get that digit. It was her real number, but I had no chance being so needy. I had a girlfriend in my senior year of high school, but that ended my sophomore year of college. Then I had a three-year drought and several missed opportunities. In college, I invited a girl over and made her dinner. We slowed danced next to my bed, but I did nothing because I didn’t want to rush things. Another girl sent me a flirty email after she took me out for drinks on my 21st birthday and I wrote back asking her what she meant by it. Summer of 2000 was a pretty good summer by beta standards. Had a summer fling. Had a one-night stand with a different girl the same day I left my fling’s house. But the beta was not dead. I was just lucky. I developed feelings for the fling and even cried when we split. Got with another girl in grad school and “fell in love” after two weeks. Even thought I was going to marry her. We broke up and I had another drought.
The next year in grad school, I had a horrible case of oneitis for a girl I didn’t even date. I waited too long to ask her out and someone else got her. I was miserable for weeks. My final year in grad school, I found someone else and immediately rushed into a committed relationship that lasted four weeks. Then another drought.
After grad school, I dated a woman who did not tell me her age…for four years. She was older and was afraid I would leave. I would ask her age, but I didn’t really want to know because I was also afraid that she was too old for me and that I would never get anyone better. I should have ended the relationship after we realized that we were not going to get married. But we stuck together out of fear. Total of seven years.
After that break-up in 2010, I was miserable. I had no confidence in my ability to get a woman much less be in a satisfying relationship. But in January 2011, I was reading a Vox Day article and discovered this topic called “game”. Through Vox, I discovered Roissy and the Manosphere. My life has never been the same.
Everything that I learned about women was a lie. Everything. That they are more moral than men, that they really want nice guys, that they would not cheat without a good reason, like her husband/boyfriend is abusive, that there are good girls who would never sleep around (that’s what sluts do).
I also learned that the system really is rigged against men and masculinity. I learned that the man I was supposed to become was stunted thanks to public education and a feminist paradigm that supplicates to women’s needs at the expense of men.
Most important I learned about women’s hypergamy. Much of what I experienced while growing up made sense after understanding this truth.
I began to apply what I learned from Roissy, Roosh, Rollo, Shark, FFY, Donlak, Danger & Play, Aaron Sleazy, Real Made Men, Kane, Yohami, Private Man, Rivelino, Deti’s random comments, and many others to rebuild myself as a man. Before learning game in 2011, my notch count was 6. That’s six between the ages of 16 and 34, 18 years. I’m 35 now. After learning game in 2011, I got six notches. I changed my style of dress. I worked out even harder than I did before. I have a job that requires leadership and I have accepted that challenge. All these changes have made me more confident.
Nevertheless, the beta is not dead yet. He appeared several weeks ago when one of my women left met. She’s a single mother with kids who is now looking for a boyfriend. She had fun with me, but now wants a dickstand. But I got too close and I am fighting oneitis. This has only revealed to me that I am not where I want to be yet. But I must kill the beta. As Rollo pointed out in his latest post, “The Beta mindset or AFCism (for lack of a better term) and all of its inherent frustrations are a disease, and like any disease, if left untreated, it will mutate into different forms as it progresses until it kills or debilitates the host.” Those of us who were raised beta should heed this advice. One can only fake being alpha for so long. Eventually there will be tests of your alphaness and you will know where you stand.
It’s a pleasure to read all these histories.
I was an average guy in highschool. Prone to romantic oneitis and not understanding my options. After highschool I married my 8th lover after getting her pregnant, and was not able to maintain the upper hand against that BPD nutball. After two years I hit the road as a travelling salesman, and had far less success with the girls than my salesmen peers, however I did get a lot of facetime with pretty girls on the college campuses where I was a vendor of jewelry and dresses. I met a girl in Bali on a business trip and took her to the states a few times, and handled her as well as could be expected – meaning I tried to keep her in line but was not expert at it and found her causing a lot of useless stupid shit for no reason. That went on and off for three years before I stopped importing her. With her gone I had a long protracted dry spell punctuated with a fling with a much older woman, then a few middling quality girls my age, then one last much older woman. After two years in a serious relationship with the older woman I was now 33, and decided to leave the US for a fresh start in Canada. From there quickly moved to Bali and there began my more in-depth education in the ways of women.
I’d say my real education started in the same way it has in other men’s tales here. There was an attractive girl I wasn’t that into, and so I had major hand and major disinterest in her. At the time I thought it was not really fair. She’d complain about my ways and I’d just say “ok then, let’s break up”, and she’d be at a loss. Of course she never wanted to break up at all – she was only trying to gain hand and manipulate me. After a year with her I moved to Thailand, where I immediately started parallel monogamy. For two years I kept from 2 to four girlfriends and fuckbuddies in rotation, for periods ranging from a few months to a year. That was educational. After that I dated another BPD sexpot in the Phillipines for a year, and had to amp up all the manhood I could muster to try to keep her in line. My education was still not complete. I moved to Bali as I was done with the BPD hottie (despite suicide threats on the girls part) and dated a few girls for a year. One told me I was stupid to keep falling in love with girls. That hit home a bit. After that I again lived with a girl I had major hand over, as I didn’t much care if I lost her or not. That again was a major learning experience. Treating her bad only seemed to make her love me more. At this time I started reading and writing on Roissy’s blog. By then I’d say I had good managerial skills with women, and a fair understanding of relationship dynamics. The next girl was completely under my thumb and a perfect love slave, and everything was going as great as it possibly can go, when after 11 months she died of an illness. I took a grieving period before getting back in the game, but when I did I considered myself in good form, and even though I was mid forties and short and balding and ugly, had high confidence. I started my parallel monogamy ways again, and settled on a small harem of 2 and 1/2 girls, the 1/2 being a naked foreplay virgin girl who was fun to talk to. So that was my long road to understanding. These last 9 months I’ve been living with a 23 year old Indonesian hottie. But this in an education with no end, so soon I will move to China for the next phase of my life, and after maybe 6 months to a year there will travel to other parts.
I have a ten year plan to maintain being in the game until my dying days. The plan relates to creating and managing a resort that has fun stuff to do, such as a water park, motorcross rental, sail and small boat rental, an arcade, trampoline bungee jumping, mini-golf, go-cart racing, a hotel, restaurant and bar and club, and anything else that is fun. I’ll hire a professional online seducer/wingman to seduce girls for me and will have the budget to fly them in at my expence, thus keeping me in a Hugh Hefner lifestyle.
I know some guys prefer to hone their cold approach skills, but I’m working to bypass that part and get straight to the part I prefer.
The bottom line is that the Road to Alpha leads to social, spiritual, and physical improvement. When you take the last sentences from the posts above and put them together, a pattern emerges.
The bottom lines from your comments:
Long live STBM. Right now I’d sing the University Of Man Fight Song, if I knew it.
I’m only improving from here.
I honestly have no Idea where I would be without everyone I mentioned above. One Love.
to make some location independent money so I can move out of my parents place at the end of this year.
God bless roissy and William Price, they changed my life.
Game really and truly changed my entire life.
We’re still married. It’s getting much better.
Eventually there will be tests of your alphaness and you will know where you stand.
My 30s are looking good.
since it really is like unplugging from a false world.
Today I run MTLRs openly, and it continues to treat me well. Upward, onward, gentlemen.
Game has made my relationship better than ever.
[helped me notice] just how beta my chubby highschool years were and why I wasn’t getting what should have been easy for me to get in my early twenties.
The rest is history.
Once I’m out of school, mastered my Game, and have some money set aside, I need to go to Europe.
Awesome! May all men become alpha.
Note: I fucking am though.
Now I am older, married however I still use game. As a married man game is the ONLY survival tool to prevent total and complete family law annihilation and even then it is still a crap shoot. Dont ever let your guard down because even happy well adjusted married women shit test.
For the betas…start reading.
Thank you all for helping me save my marriage.
While I’m still dealing with some beta tendencies I have improved and the pussy is no longer out of reach. Still not alpha, but getting there.
I dove headfirst, discovering all the pitfalls, all the ways I had screwed up, and what I had to change. Although I don’t read Roissy so much anymore (I prefer a little less spite in my truth), he will always be the author who codified it for me.
Never let the shadow of the weakness take hold of your heart. If you want to aspire to be something, BE THE LION!
I quickly consumed the rest of the blog, realized the error of my ways, and have been a different man ever since.
Thanks for setting an example, gentlemen. May your efforts not be in vain.