The Quality is Low, But Atleast the Price is High!

Originally posted on April 26, 2012 at 5:01 PM as a gift to you from Professor Ashur

 

Professor Mentu has handed down the truth, giving womens’ overburdened hamsters a panoramic view of the current state of the marriage market.

I have a couple things to add.

I think that online dating profiles are a perfect place to have a look at the tragicomic inner mental machinery of entitled women. Sometimes I wonder if they forget that they are there to attract a man, and that men will actually be reading the stunningly stupid things they write on their profiles. Looking through Match, I see a lot of grrrl-pwr buzzwords, feminist posturing, and what I can only describe as pre-emptive shit-testing.

The best I have been able to determine is that they are writing their profiles not so much to attract a man as they are writing them to outdo the other women who doubtlessly are checking out their competition. Believe me, they do. A quick and painful read of these profiles leaves me convinced that these women are either a royal pain in the ass, or the world’s worst poon salesmen ever.

Their ad copy usually reads something like this:

I’m a sassy, sarcastic girl who’s not afraid to state her opinions. Can you handle the challenge?

or…

I’m looking for a man who can handle a strong independent woman.

These statements read more like a playground taunt than a legitimate effort to seek a relationship. They also violate step 1 and 2 of Mentu’s rules for getting him to propose.

Look at the first one. I’m sure this girl thinks she is a special snowflake, unique and unlike any other girl. In a way, she’s right. Unlike all the other hyper-competitive, opinionated, narcissistic women at work and at the bar, this one is promising to live in the same residence as you where there is no escape from her constant, ‘challenging’ charm.

And what the hell is it with these girls and their incessant use of that word? I’m not sure they really know what a challenge is. A challenge is like a math problem, business problem, or even a video game. It’s a test that men enjoy solving by applying their abilities and talents. When a woman uses the word challenging, what she really means is impossible, or obstinately difficult. Or I will deliberately oppose everything you say and do – just because.

This is like offering a man an unsolvable math problem. Or asking him to repeat a sales presentation over and over, even though you will never buy. Or asking him to play an unwinnable video game. Those are not challenges.

That’s CalvinBall.

Now let’s look at the second one. To start with, anyone who has to refer to herself as ‘strong’, probably isn’t. Whether this is just cheap posturing or some sort of affirmation tactic, I don’t know. And her suggestion that men can’t handle her?

Only a woman steeped in feminism would think to take a dubious trait, package it in a shit-test and offer it for sale:

“Hey Mr. Man, I bet you’re too big of a sissy to buy this rusting, broken-down Volvo. I bet you can’t handle it.”

What the hell do they mean by ‘handle’? They don’t realize that this is no different than coming up to a man and stating:

“You can’t handle my strong body odor” or “You can’t handle my psycho monthly mood swings.” Yes, princess, I could handle it if wanted to, but why would I?

After a long day at work dealing with narcissistic career-obsessed women and irritating, catty manginas, I’ve had my fill of challenges. But maybe you could serve me up a nice challenging dinner: Tough, chewy meat, raw potatoes, and a Vinegar Manhattan. I could show you what a hardass I am, handling your strong, independent menu.

If you are unwilling to supply what a man wants, cool. But then shut up and stop complaining that no one wants your product. When I need rest, I want to fall asleep on a soft, comfortable mattress. You can go be someone else’s bed of nails.