So, this is a weird conglomeration of thoughts bouncing around in my head from two very different sources.
At one end we have Olive, with her Quest for Supportive Friends
At the other hand we have Vox, commenting on how Women Commit Nothing
The friendship commitment
What does friendship have to do with commitment? Well, lets look at it from a female perspective with Olive.
From her first story:
“I never thought she would act maliciously towards me, I never really feared she was a backstabber (a rare quality in a young woman). But I’ve had to be careful to guard my own romantic relationships when she’s around”
I don’t know how you could trust someone that would poach your relationship. Yet Olive, a very rational woman, still sees this friend as a rare non-backstabber. Even PUA’s have a more protective ‘bro-code‘ that you shouldn’t even poach on someone they’re running a set on; someone they’ve known for a total of less than an hour and not made any real commitment to. These aren’t amazing, rare friends that they trust and hold accountable, not a rare unicorn of a male. Rather, these are the minimum men expect from our bro’s.
Here’s a clip from the second story.
“I let her string me along for far too long before I realized she was beating me down to build herself up. I refused to tell her anything about my current relationship, even when we met at the end of college. I strongly suspect she would do anything to sabotage it.”
While yes, that’s a toxic friendship, how many red pill people would be surprised at a woman acting like this? I wouldn’t. Now how many of you would be surprised if a man acted like this? Unless they were white knighting, I’d be flabbergasted.
“But there’s something very important about this friend: I never neglected our friendship in the name of spending all my time with my primary group. I always sought to make time for her, time during which I was missing out on other primary group activities.”
IE: It was always clear that each valued the other and it was required to make sure that was so on a regular basis. One example of what might have been this from even Olive (hard for me to tell because her posts are describing her friends, not her)
“I felt resentful that I had almost broken up with my boyfriend because he wasn’t getting along with my friends, but here was Emily, putting the dick before the chicks. I was frustrated, and my resentment was starting to boil over. I tried to be honest. I told her I missed her, that I wish she would spend one night a week in our room and we could do stuff together.”
So – 1) Olive continued to expect women to commit to friendships despite previous friend’s who failed or were selfish in one way or another and 2) The friend had pulled the constant approval, time, and care from the friendship. When this happened Olive felt slighted and felt that the friendship was deteriorating.
From the male side
Any previous beta males out there? If so, think back to those blue pill days. For some, like me, it was only a few months ago. Think of your friends, male and female, and how they relate to those stories above.
Do you think you’d need to worry about the issues of betray and backstabbing above with male friends?
Do you think you’d need to constantly let male friends know you’re still friends with them?
Do you think that if your old female friends called you up, and you told them you didn’t have time to talk with them now (knowing they’re just about to unload about how unhaaaaaaapy she is with her job/boyfriend/life) that you’d still be friends? How many times do you think you could do that before she questioned your friendship, regardless if you were actually busy or not.
How many of those female friends would actually listen to your problems if you had a need to vent? If it’s like my experience, maybe 1/4 or those that look to vent to you, if you’re luckky. Never mind that you only vent to them once every few months as opposed to once a week. She’s a woman, obviously she’s oppressed and has it harder.
Take a long, honest look at your male and female friendships. Which of them are actually friends in a give/take relationship with you? Which only take? I’m gonna guess most of the females are predominately take, while the males are balanced to the point where you’d never even worry about it. I have friends that I know, and have, called up after years last minute, when I’m in their city, to see if they simply want to hang out. I end up crashing on their couch after a good night of fun. Think any women would let you do that? I know of 2 that would for me, possibly. Yet I wouldn’t call a guy a friend if he didn’t live up to that kind of thing
Commitment and friendships
Vox is speaking specifically of marriage and relationships. His post is responding to an advice column about a woman not wanting to commit to having to have sex twice a week while asking the man to commit to marriage. One sided commitments, much? But the quote that I love that will have to do with all relationships men have with women – acquaintances, friends, FWB, dating, LTR, or marriage – is this (emphasis mine):
“It is deeply ironic that men are generally considered the commitment-phobic sex when it is easily observable that the main reason they tend to increasingly avoid making commitments is because they are forced to take them very seriously. Women, on the other hand, superficially appear pro-commitment, but this only holds true so long as there is no substantive and quantifiable aspect to the commitment for which they can be held accountable.“
I think this is spot on for any interaction you have with women. There may be a few exceptions, but as a red pill taker you should always remember that the only reason they actually hold to a commitment is because they choose to. If they decided to walk away, they’d never be held accountable and would probably get a fist pump of grrrrrl powa where you’d have gotten a ‘man up’ in the same situation.
My new term
Friends with her benefits. FWHB.
God knows you won’t get anything real from it.
My challenge to myself and to you
Decide how many and which friendships with women are actually worth going through this kind of crap. Pick which of those women you’ll stay in contact with and ignore the rest of those
succubi innocent little girls.
Better yet, watch them explode. Treat those friendships as you would a male friendship with the same expectations. See how many of them rise up to the challenge of actually being equal to the men they hate and which break down in tears because the Nice Guy, teddy bear, emotional tampon, etc, they knew and ‘loved’ isn’t there for them anymore with an unquestioning shoulder to cry on.
Instead, he’s calling them out on their shit.
I actually enjoy Susan’s newest post on the subject, Mean Girls, Mean Women. I find it amusing she advocates simply ignoring them, as if the problem will go away and take care of itself. Oh, and don’t forget to find a man for protection, never flirt with him, simply use him as a mentor.
Granted, her post is targeted towards women and mine is mostly towards men (though most of the comments at this point come from women). I still think that her post says a lot on relations between females just as mine does – a large part of why I used Olive’s examples was so that I could use first hand experience of women’s treatment of each other, their backstabbing, and relate it to how they treat men. No less shallowly – they’re just able to manipulate better. Still, I would hope that women, as well as men, could find some thought provoking statements in my post.
Anyways, look at what feminism gave you as your dream women – a career of being timid, meek, afraid to challenge authority, where all you can do is hunker down, do your job as best you can, and hope some backstabbing career woman doesn’t shatter your life on a whim or imagined threat to her own position.
Tell me – how’s that treating you?